I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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