grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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