So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
