it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
