he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
