Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
