i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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