The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
