those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
