hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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