Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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