how can u be prego again
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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