i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
