you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
