So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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