its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
