A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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