im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
