Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
