hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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