Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
