Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
