I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
