Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
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