he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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