operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
