apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
