I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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