I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
