i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
