I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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