Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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