Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
