these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
