Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
