$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
