What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
