Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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