is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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