I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
