I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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