well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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