Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
