dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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