So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
