If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
