The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
