you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
