i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
