i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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