True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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