You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
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I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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