We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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