Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
