We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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