remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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