I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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