He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
