You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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