yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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