Got a toothbrush?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
