They should really pass out barf bags in church
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
