but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
