Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
