no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
