He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
